Another year has come and gone and here I am facing another birthday. What can I say about this past year? Well it wasn’t without its own set of challenges.
I started last birthday by listing everything I was grateful for in Diary of a Restless Rebel – 5th February 2019 . In hopes that saying and writing those words would allow me to actually feel satisfied with my life. I’m not saying that expressing gratitude is pointless, but behind those words I still held high expectations of what and where I wanted to be at that time. And I was damn sure going to get there! “That’s right, 2019 is MY year!” Anyone else declare their New Year’s intentions with such determination?
I thought that statement made me look impressive and powerful like a lifeguard on the beach holding that orange rescue buoy as my gratitude, while running through the water to save a life. Have any of you actually tried doing that? It’s really fn hard unless you’re athletic and have legs for daaaays. But I stand at 5’3” and don’t spend my spare time pumping iron. So at times last year it felt as if I was the one who needed rescuing and it was my gratitude that kept my head above water. So in my case gratitude was simply not enough and I was settling and not living. I was forcing all the pieces to fit into where I wanted it to be, and not allowing things to happen that was in line with my true self. Continue reading →
The other day my housemate told me of a visit from her deceased father as she napped on the sofa. I suppose to many westerners, this is a strange situation. I get it, I’ve lived a lot of my adult life as a “freethinking heathen” away from the traditions and beliefs of my ethnic heritage. However, I grew up in a house with Filipino immigrant parents. So it wasn’t all THAT bizarre as I remembered how the Filipino culture has very strong beliefs in a parallel spirit world. And I got thinking about my own experience with visitations from my own father. Continue reading →
I started watching a TV program on Netflix yesterday about a woman who wakes to re-live her 36th birthday over and over again after she dies an untimely death. A “glitch” in time is giving her another chance to make her life right and it had me thinking about my own life.
This morning I woke up to my own birthday and I identify metaphorically to the concept that every year we’re given another chance by the universe to set our lives right, with a restart or beginning of a new cycle. It all sounds about right? We’re on a journey thinking we’ve completed it only to begin another. But in reality we have never really finished the first. A friend pointed this out to me the other week as we caught up about all that was so-called “new” in our lives. “Flo, you’re still on the same fucking journey you were on 3 years ago when we were living in London.” Well he was right, turns out my journey is still the same, but my environment has changed, adding new challenges and insights. Continue reading →